Merry Christmas Through The Tears

This Christmas is hard, it seems like this year just didn't agree with our family at all considering the summer we had and then to end it with the passing of Micah. The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster complete with me screaming at little church ladies... apparently when I am sad I am also emotionally psychotic as well... We won't even discuss the outcome of either Joe or I hearing "I'll Have a Blue Christmas" on the radio. Let's just say it's not very pretty.

I honestly don't understand why things like this happen to such amazing people, but I do know through all of this that God has a plan even though at the moment I think his plan looks like crap and there are a few details I would like to discuss with him, I know deep in my heart that he does work everything together for good even when I can't understand. And if I didn't believe that I think I would just go crazy.

I was going to try and write a big long thing about how amazing Micah was and how much we miss him but I think Joey summed it up best in the Eulogy he wrote for Micah's memorial service, you can read it HERE.

The hardest part is just to figure out how to keep living. How do you just move on with your life after something like this. In some ways it seems to cruel and wrong to just continue like nothing happened, but in other ways I know Micah and I know he wouldn't have wanted anybody to stop living their lives to the fullest potential. So that leaves us to push ahead through the tears, starting with just a simple Merry Christmas.

Remember this Christmas that life is short and precious. Live everyday as though it was your last. Don't let yourself get so wrapped up in life you forget to spend the time with the people you love, because you never know when they might not be there anymore. So when your ripping through those presents, or carving up that Christmas dinner take a moment to pause and tell each and everyone of the people around you how much you love them and how special they are to you.

With that, through my tears I would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

-The Pangburns (Joey, Kadie + Audrey)

Out Of The Office

Sunday evening Joey and I lost a very special member of our family, Micah Kaplan, Joe's cousin (more like his brother). Due to funeral preparations I will be taking the week off of work to help our family through this time. If you have an emergency and need to get a hold of me I will still be receiving e-mail, however if it is not urgent I probably won't be able to get back to you until next week.

Thank you for your patience.

If you knew Micah and would like more information on making donations to the family, the viewing or memorial service you can find all the information on the website we have set up here for him: www.ILoveMicahKaplan.com

Don't Mess With Christmas...

There are a few things in this world that you don't mess with me on because I will freak out on you. Those things would be:

1) My dog (seriously don't insult my furry child, or I will react like a mama bear and we might not be able to be friends anymore)
2) Disneyland (I have a weird protective attitude toward Disneyland, and someone not liking it is akin in my head to you setting my mother's house on fire, (insert violent action here))
3) Christmas (which of course is the point of this post lol)

I LOVE Christmas... I love EVERYTHING about Christmas. If you could live in a holiday (sorta like the Nightmare Before Christmas, I would for sure pick Christmasland, with my second choice of location being Independence Day Island). Part of my obsession with this holiday probably stems from the fact that my love language is, without a doubt, giving, so Christmas is like giant love fest for me. Our poor tree every year looks like a hostage being held captive by a present prison.

Poor Joey has to live through all my crazed Christmas decorating every year, I'm sure he's dreading what lunatic idea I'll come up with next every time I say "Joey.... how hard would it be to..."

To say I go a little overboard with this holiday might be an understatement.

But back to the title of this post. Don't Mess With Christmas....

Let's just say I am a tad picky when it comes to certain Christmas items and customs. There is a way I like things to be done and no amount of you telling me otherwise is going to change my mind. Joey has learned to just give in on these points I think lol... So I thought I'd share a few of my little quarks with you :)



1) When My Heart Finds Christmas - By Harry Connick Jr.

Growing up this was the CD we listened to the most every Christmas and every time I hear it I melt inside. I suppose my love of this CD also gets multiplied by the fact my all time favorite Christmas song "(It Must've Been Ol') Santa Claus" is on this CD as well... If you don't own it buy it now!!!! If you can't tell I'm slightly obsessed...

2) It's a Wonderful Life

Ok, first of all Jimmy Stewart is amazing, that's pretty much a fact. And this movie has to be on my all time favorite movies ever list. I love it that much. I snuggle up on the couch and get all warm and gooie inside every time I watch it. And no matter how many times I've seen this movie I'm always angry when Mr. Potter takes George's money and always cry when everybody chips in to save the day. But aside from it's amazingness this movie MUST be watched on Christmas Eve in our house every year, without fail. (To show you how serious I am, we are going to be in Disneyland this year for Christmas Eve and over the weekend and I am bringing it with me to watch in our hotel room that night).

3) Fresh Cut Noble Fir Trees

I know everybody loves the fake tree, and they look more and more real every year they make them but I will never be able to replace the smell of a real Noble fir in my living room. Growing up my parents were the coolest and would buy a living potted tree and then after christmas we'd plant them outside in our yard (we lived in the forest to they looked like they belonged there). Now since I live in Tucson now, and it would look slightly goofy to have a front yard full of fir trees in my front yard in the desert I have contented myself with buying cut trees.

Which brings me to my next point.... Can somebody explain the attraction of Douglas Fir trees to me? I don't get it. They look like giant bushes to me. Where do you put your ornaments!? Needless to say I prefer Noble Fir trees lol...

Which brings me to my long held reputation as the tree bitch... I like cut trees, but I want them to be as perfect as a fake tree, which is not impossible but does take time and does seem to annoy tree salesmen. Last year was the worst, I think I made the poor tree lot attendant open something like 13 trees up for me and I still didn't like any of them. And so the reputation for being the tree bitch was born. I've said it before but God bless my husband for marrying and putting up with a perfectionist....

The tree is a tricky subject apparently because I am also EXTREMELY picky about lighting the tree. Each branch has to be individually lit from the inside of the tree down the brach flip around the tip and back down the brach inside the tree to be repeated on the next branch. Also your wires should show as little as possible, not at all preferably.

Decorating the thing is a whole other story that I won't get into, but if possible avoid the subject of tinsel around Joey... lol...

4) Paper Snowflakes

This one is actually pretty simple... when we first got married we were dirt poor so for Christmas decorations I started cutting out and hanging paper snowflakes from the ceiling. Well every year since then I've cut a few more and added them to my collection and it's grown over the years until now it looks like our house has been attacked by a snow storm every year lol... Even in the desert I'm determined to have a white Christmas!

5) Old School Outdoor Lights

This is more of a nostalgic preference than anything but I really prefer the old school jumbo sized house lights. I just think they look cooler personally. Oh and since I am just laying all my Christmas craziness out there; if you have a two story house, don't be lazy and just decorate the bottom eve... it looks lame.

6) Official Christmas PJ's

This one is sort of stupid and corny but I will admit I am one of those people who makes everybody who stays at my house Christmas Eve wear Christmas themed PJ's to wake up and open presents in. I also make everybody wear them when we decorate too... even Audrey dog has a pair lol... yes I am that person lol...


Whew... ok, that's all the soul bearing I'm prepared to do for one post lol. Hopefully you don't think I'm a crazed Christmas lunatic now lol...

Hide and Wait....

Let me start by saying I am silly, I know I am silly but here goes. I have this thing, sort of like a test I suppose, that I used to unwittingly play on people while I was growing up. It went a little something like this:

1) Kadie is hanging out with a group of people...

2) Kadie leaves said group and goes off alone somewhere out of sight

3) Kadie proceeds to sit in said spot and wait

The point was supposed to be something like "we'll see who really is my friend and who really cares about me by who notices I'm missing and comes to find me." This plan usually backfired and I was left sitting alone while my friends had a grand old time in the other room.

OK, so even though this may sound dumb and silly it always meant a lot to me. For so long I felt like the invisible girl in the room just desperately wanting somebody to notice I existed, and not only notice I existed but care enough to want me back with the group because I was missed. So this concept really got ingrained into my subconscious to the point where I will still to this day do this unknowingly, waiting for somebody to care enough to come find me.

Now Enter Joey

From the very first time I met Joe he has always come and found me. Even when I didn't know I was hiding he comes scoops me up and tells me how much he missed me. For the little girl who always felt invisible you have no idea how that feels. It's the most amazing feeling on the planet to know somebody (besides your parents) loves you enough to miss you and seek you out so you can be together again.

So this Thanksgiving, even though I know it sounds so simple, thank you Joey for always caring enough to come find me :)

Then since every post needs a photo here is a cute one I snapped of Joey and Audrey while we were out snapping some photos the other day...

Pumpkin, Coolwhip + Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cookies

This week on the blog I'm going to try and post up one thing I am thankful for each day leading up to Thanksgiving. To get into the spirit of things we're going to start off with PUMPKIN!!!! I LOVE pumpkin... pretty much pumpkin anything. Although there have been those that have mentioned my intense love of pumpkin pie might be more so my love of an excuse to eat massive amounts of coolwhip without questions. Like I would ever do something like that..... lol.



I have to say though my very favorite pumpkin items are chocolate chip pumpkin cookies! I could seriously just eat an entire tub of these by myself. They are moist yummy cake like cookies that just melt in your mouth, and of course this time of year is the perfect excuse to bake and eat massive amounts of them! And just so that everybody can see for themselves how amazing they really are here is my top secret recipe!

Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cookies

Ingredients:
1 Cup Sugar
2 Cups Canned Pumpkin
1/2 Cup Oil
1 Egg
2 Cups Flour
1/2 tsp Salt
1 tsp Cinnamon
2 tsp Baking Powder
1 tsp Baking Soda
1 tsp Milk
1 tsp Vanilla
1 Cup Chocolate Chips

Directions:
1) Preheat oven to 375º
2) Mix together: Sugar, Pumpkin, Oil and Egg
3) In a separate bowl sift together: Flour, Salt, Cinnamon and Baking Power then add to Pumpkin mixture
4) In a small bowl dissolve the Baking Soda in the Vanilla and Milk then add to Pumpkin mixture
5) Add in Chocolate Chips
6) Refrigerate batter for at least 30 min
7) Scoop out small tablespoon size amounts of dough onto a lightly greased cookie sheet
8) Bake 10-12 min, cookies should be soft and moist
9) Consume massive amounts of them and make more!!!

I hope you enjoy eating them as much as I do!!!

Jennifer + Eric: Four Seasons Resorts Troon North Scottsdale Arizona

The day before we flew to New Orleans Joey and I got the opportunity to photograph a gorgeous wedding up in Scottsdale! Since Jennifer + Eric live out of state in California, they hired Charlee Geisler to help them plan and coordinate their wedding, and she was amazing! If you are getting married in the Phoenix area I HIGHLY recommend her and her staff. But enough chit chat... on with the photos!

The moment I walked into where the girl were getting ready and saw this dress I got so excited! I LOVE form fitting wedding dresses. They always look so glamourous and old hollywood to me.


I ended up arriving just a tad early so I had lots of time to play around with getting tons of detail shots of Jennifer's gorgeous jewelry for the day.




This necklace was AMAZING! And was her something borrowed for the day :)


LOVE these blue shoes she wore...




Jennifer + Eric decided to do a first look so we could take all their formals before the ceremony and Eric's expression when he saw Jennifer was priceless!


I could have photographed Jennifer all day, she kept reminding me of a cross between a young Marilyn Monroe and Grace Kelly...


See!? Stunning!!!!!



Eric on the other hand kept reminding me of Donald Draper from Mad Men, I love this image of him....




The ceremony details were so elegant and gorgeous, I think yellow may be my new favorite wedding color...






The reception didn't disappoint either! Check out that amazing cake the Jennifer designed!


They did such an amazing job lighting this room Joey didn't use ANY flash or extra lighting in this next image to show you what just how gorgeous the ambient light looked!




Thank you guys so much for letting Joey and I be a part of your day!

Location: Four Seasons Resort: Scottsdale at Troon North
Event Planner: Signature Events by Charlee Geisler

What Happens In New Orleans... doesn't always stay there!
(Especially when you have 15-20 photographers following you around)

I'll get into more about our awesome trip later, but while we were there we randomly ended up being models for one of the workshops being taught during the conference. Which if you know us at all, you know we are total hams and that we jumped all over the chance... so for your amusement here are a few of the first images that have emerged from our adventure!

A few details to mention:
1) We found out we were doing this about 30min prior to when they needed us to model and I had all of 10min to do my hair and make-up

2) Yes we are hams and we know it

3) I realize why models get paid so much

4) The dress I was put in to wear was a size 12... and a few sizes to big so if I look a little larger than normal... that's why...

5) At one point during the shoot I let a strange man on Bourbon St. pose me because I thought he was part of the workshop, he was not... which explained the very strange "back off and get your hands off my wife" look my husband was giving him...

A big thanks to Brian Friedman for these images!!!

New Orleans Here We Come!

I am so excited for the coming weekend! Not only to we get to photograph an awesome wedding up in Phoenix on Saturday but Sunday morning we get to hop on a plane and fly to a city that I've wanted to visit my entire life! NEW ORLEANS! For the first two day Joey and I are just going to hang out and be tourists then the rest of the week we'll be attending a photography conference called PartnerCon.

I can't wait to see everything! Depending on Internet availability at our hotel while we're there I'll see if I can post up at least one photo everyday so you can be right there with us! Then when I come back next week I'll do a big Inspiring Thursday post with photos of things that inspired me while I was there.

Feel free to give a shout out for any must do/see things Joey and I should put on our list!

Happy Halloween From Audrey!

Rainstorm + Arizona Sunset + Awesome Couple = Epic:

Joey and I did a teeny tiny mini session for Rachel and Adam a couple weeks back and we got one of my new favorite pictures ever! Rachel and Adam live in LA and were only in town for the weekend to visit family and wanted to get one really quick shot for their save the date cards. After brainstorming a bit and hearing what they were looking for I decided Gate's Pass would be the PERFECT location to shoot their save the date image. Well... fast forward to the evening we are supposed to shoot and the weather is not looking good... but we hop in the car and drive out there anyway. We get there and it's not getting any better. After hemming and hawing a while waiting to see if it will let up we all decide to just go for it and brave the weather and I'm so glad we did! Gold stars to Rachel for full on rock climbing in the rain, in heels, to get to the "perfect rock" for the photo!

Inspiring Thursdays - Messing Up

This week for my inspiring Thursday post I thought I'd do something a little different. Instead of being inspired, I wanted to take a moment to encourage you instead.

If you know me, you probably know I'm a perfectionist, in just about everything except cleaning (somehow it totally skips over that whole area of my life lol). If I throw a party it has to look like it popped off the page of a Martha Stewart magazine article. If I play a game, I have to win. If I dance I'm going to spend hours in front of a mirror trying to perfect just the right amount of hip movement. This is just me. I want to do the best that I can, always, otherwise, what's the point of doing it at all?

I think the best story I can share to relate how crazy I am is from when I was about 10 or 11 years old. My mom had just paid for me to start taking piano lessons (which I had been begging her for years for) and she came home one day from the library with a video of a concert pianist in concert. We snuggled up on the couch and watched the whole video, during the middle of which I broke down into a fit of crying. My Mom, obviously worried asked me what was wrong and I replied "I just realized no matter how hard I try to learn the piano, I am never going to be as good as that guy on the tape." At that moment, I figured "what's the point of learning to do something you're never going to be the best at." !?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I don't remember how, but my mom convinced me to stick with the piano anyway, and it's become one of the greatest loves in my life since then.

But that is how my brain works. And I know it's messed up, and I know it's wrong and flawed, but that doesn't change the fact that at a base level that's still how I think. So let's just say I can be a tad hard on myself. Nothing is ever good enough, or perfect enough, I can always find the flaw, the thing that needs to be improved on.

Now, on one hand I credit my accelerated learning rate to this way of thinking. When you are never satisfied and always craving to get better, learn and grow, things start happening at an astounding rate. But it's at a great cost, because you constantly view yourself as a failure, and a screwup, aware of every flaw you possess at all times.

This can lead to bad things.

I mean, come on, take your pick of "artists gone crazy trying to make their life's masterpiece" stories. There are thousands of them. So lately I'm trying to come to terms with myself, and with messing up.

One thing that has helped me is a quote I heard the other day that I have sort of fallen in love with. Sadly I can't for the life of me remember who said it or even where I was when I heard it but it went something like this:

"Every time I mess up and fall on my face, at least I can take comfort in the fact that I'm moving forward and not backward."

I think that is the coolest thing I've ever heard, and what's more is that it's so true. Everytime I totally mess up, I always learn something. Usually it's "wow, that was a bad idea, now I know not to do that again." But even in my failure I'm really progressing and moving forward.

Thomas Edison spent years trying to invent the lightbulb, and when asked about his long string of failures to do so, he simply replied:

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

How amazing an outlook on life is that!? THAT is where I want to live my life. I want to view my failures as lovable test pilots for life, forging ahead and showing me all the things not to do. I want to learn to love my failures. I want to be able to sit down, look them in the face and tell them that "you know what? I still love you anyway." And that's hard, especially as an artist to do.

So next time you mess up, fall on your face and totally make a fool out of yourself remember to take a second to pause, to not react with self loathing but instead with love.

And since all posts are prettier with a photo, I thought I share this one of Audrey that Joey snapped the other morning. I hope it brings a smile to your face like it does mine!

Jake + Nicole: Sneak Peek

Just a sneak peek of an awesome Christmas session Joey and I did up in the Prescott area! Tons more to come soon!

Inspiring Thursdays - Brownie Harris

Ok so I know I am sorta cheating by sneaking this in like 20min before it's really Friday, but I was surfing around the web tonight and found this AWESOME website with tons of great behind the scenes photography videos called FStoppers (http://fstoppers.com/). There are some really cool shoots they feature as well as interviews with some amazing photographers.

I watched a few but I just really loved this on in particular on Brownie Harris and just had to share it with all of you. You can check out his portfolio here: http://www.brownieharris.com/

Fstoppers Profile: Brownie Harris from FStoppers on Vimeo.

Kyla + RJ: Engaged

A couple weeks ago I got an e-mail from one of my past brides Angela Carlon, who you might remember from her wedding + engagement pictures we took a couple years ago. Well she has since started up an event planning business! (she has an AMAZING eye for detail and is doing a fantastic job with it too!) Well, she had a client that she thought would be a great fit for Joey and I and was curious if we would mind coming down to Elgin Arizona with them to shoot their engagement session at a local vineyard. Joey and I, who are always up for getting out of town, jumped at the chance!

Here are just a couple of my favorite pictures from their mini session we did with them.






For all you wine lovers out there, we shot their whole session at Lightning Ridge Cellars, where we also did a little wine tasting afterwards as well. Their wine was AMAZING! I even bought a bottle to take home. They have the cutest little back room you can host events in too inside of their barrel room. I guess in a couple years they are going to be set up to hold weddings out there as well, which I can't wait for. It will be gorgeous!

Lera + Nate: Married

I am so excited to share this wedding with you! Lera and Nate are the kind of people you meet and you instantly fall in love with, madly, head over heels style. Not to be sappy, it's just true. They are the kind of people who just make you feel cooler by simply being around them (kinda like the fonz). They are also two of the most genuine people I've ever met. And if that wasn't enough they have one of the most romantic love stories ever (you can read all about it HERE if you're curious). So we were totally stoked to get to be the photographers for their wedding in Oak Island, North Carolina.

After my little car accident the night before we flew out to photograph their wedding, one of my best photography friends TimCo flew in from Florida to help me photograph their day, just in case I keeled over at some point lol... Luckily after doping myself up on pain meds just in case I was on cloud nine the whole day lol.

Ok... let's get to the photos, I'll talk while you browse through them...



When I arrived at Lera's parents house the morning of the wedding I was a little early so it gave me lots of time to play around and get some awesome detail shots... so I went a little crazy trying to decide which ones to post...







As usual while I was hanging out with the girls Joey was over chillin with the guys, I love these little detail shots he got!




Lera + Nate decided to do a first look, and take all their photos before the ceremony (which I LOVE) maybe next week I'll do a blog post about all the many reasons I love this idea. This is one of my favorite pictures from the sequence we captured...


After the first look we took off to take photos, Nate was seriously rockin' the shades. I think both him and Lera actually did some modeling when they lived in Japan... and apparently they haven't lost their touch lol...


Let me just say... this is the BACKYARD of their parents house... ummm... yeah... I'm jealous...


I could seriously comment on all of these, so lets just assume above every photo is a comment from me saying "AYKM!?"... How cool is the light in these two portraits of Nate though!? I was just a tad excited when I took them...



Lera was the perfect model...


Every time I see that photo on the left I feel like a little Gucci or Prada sunglasses logo would look so at home on it...



After we had some fun taking photos and took a short break to freshen up, it was off to the ceremony!


I loved everything about Lera's color palette for her wedding...




I love this photo of the ceremony Timco captured for me!


I don't usually post a ton of bridal party pictures, but these came out so cool I just had to post them!





Lera was the master planner and after the ceremony arranged for a trolly service to transport all her guests to the reception location down the street. I love these photos of the bridal party we got of them all on the trolley...



At this point, the light was PERFECT for heading down to the beach to take just a few more pictures before the reception. I love the little reception dress Lera changed into...



I love that photo on the right, somehow it just seems like the quintessential picture of pure happiness to me.


After our little beach session it was off to the reception, which was so gorgeous!



I love all the little unique details they included that were specific to them and their love story.


AYKM!?!?!? Seriously one of the most gorgeous receptions ever, with the perfect sunset too...





And I'll end with these two, you might not already know but Joey and I love ballroom dancing. I'm a little more obsessed than he is and more than anything I think he just goes along with me to see the big stupid grin I get on my face when we take lessons. So I LOVE LOVE LOVE when my couples do little choreographed numbers for their first dance and Lera and Nate's was flawless... it was gorgeous!


And if you still haven't had enough here is a MASSIVE slideshow you can watch with even more photos! It takes a little while to load but it's worth the wait I promise!

LERA + NATE: THE SLIDESHOW

I have to just say too before I end this post what an amazing family both of these two have. The moment I walked into her parents home I felt like one of the family. There was such an outpouring and love and support for these two the entire day that it was beautiful to witness.

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Behind the scenes

Since I had Tim come along we got a few more photos than usual of us doing our thing so I thought I'd post up a couple...

Lera's Dad snapped this one of Joey, Me and Tim at the start of the day (just a reference point to what I looked like in the morning, with all the running around we do I start to look like a catastrophe victim at the end of the day, so it's nice to know I started out looking decent at least lol)

Yes... you are seeing correctly, this is me sitting on Joe's shoulders taking pictures. Over the years it's sorta become our "signature move" lol. In reality it's just WAY easier than carting a ladder around with us everywhere we go!



At the end of the night Joey and I and Nate and Lera and Lera's sister and her boyfriend all shared a slow dance together :) (I love our clients!)



WHEW! That was a long blog post! Thank you Lera + Nate for letting us into your families and into your lives!