Monday, July 19, 2010


No matter how hard you work or how much you try, life is always unpredictable. You can't control it and you'll go crazy trying to. I've been learning this the hard way. I try so hard to make things happen the way I see them in my head, and in my perfect little world but no matter how hard I try something always comes along and messes up all my plans. Then the more I try to fix it and make it be the way I wanted it to work out in the first place, the more I mess it up.

There has to be a place of letting go.

Letting go of not only the picture you had in your head of how something was supposed to work out, but letting go of the feeling that you somehow messed up when it doesn't go as planned. Letting go of the blame.

And believe me I am the queen of the blame game. Not that I blame other people, but myself. A bird could poop on somebody's head in China and I'd be over here in the corner apologizing to him for it. I LOVE to apologize for pretty much everything. It drives my family crazy.

For example.... the weekend of the 9th was my 5th wedding anniversary, (woohoo!) and I got food poisoning (not woohoo). I was so sick I slept on the bathroom floor for two whole days, while my poor hubby took care of me like I was an invalid and the whole time I'm laying there puking I'm apologizing to my husband for messing up our anniversary weekend. !?!?!?! What the heck!? How was getting food poisoning my fault!? I have no idea but somehow in my brain the world didn't work like I wanted it to that weekend so I must have done something wrong to screw it up.

But I've realized you can't live life like that. You can't blame yourself for things out of your control. Instead, everyday wake up and take it one step at a time enjoying the ride (because everybody knows the best parts of a roller coaster are the bumps and the dips in the track).

I'll post up more in the coming weeks why I had such a big gap in blogging for a while and what we've been up to, but for now here a picture I took a couple weeks ago of the sun rising over the Grand Canyon from a spur of the moment trip Joey and I took. Every time I look at it, it just resounds of peace to me, and of letting everything in life fade away so you can simply enjoy the beauty all around you.


Jim 11:33 PM  

It is nice to see that you are blogging again...

Love you, Duddy

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